Types of Angry and Controlling Men
The ones who will benefit the most from knowledge of abusers and how they think are women who have a tendency to fall in love with angry and controlling men who claim that they are jealous because they love too much. They can use these information to recognize when they are being controlled or devalued in a relationship. These information will also help them to find ways to get free of abuse if it is happening, and to know how to avoid getting involved with an abusive man - or a controller or a user - next time.
The first step to understanding an abuser is to recognize the nature of his problem. His problem is not really how he feels, but how he thinks. Abusive behaviors grow from attitudes and values, not feelings. The overall tactics of abusers are: assaults on the woman's self-esteem, controlling behavior, undermining her independence, and disrespect. Each woman's experience is different, but basic characteristics of abuse are always present.
I am going to introduce each type of abusers and a few characteristics of each one. In later posts, I will go into deeper details. These traits describe each type of abuser when he is being abusive. However, he is not like this all the time, if he was, no one would have fallen into his trap. At any given moment in time, he can turn kind and loving and stay in that mode for days, weeks, or even months.
Type 1: Demand Man
This type of abusers expect his partner's life to revolve around him. He wants her to meet his needs and gets angry and blame everything on her if anything gets in the way. He becomes extremely angry if she doesn't cater to him or if he is inconvenienced in any way.
Type 2: Mr. Right
These abusers believe that they are the ultimate authority on every subject known to man. He speaks with absolute certainty and his partner's opinion is nothing more than the buzzing of annoying flies.
Type 3: Water Torturer
The water torturer stays very calm in an argument. He has a superior or contemplating attitude, appearing smug and self-assured. These abusers prove that ANGER does NOT cause abuse. They usually abuse their partner psychologically without even raising their voice.
Type 4: Drill Sergeant
He is extremely controlling - running his partner's life in every way that he can. He takes great pleasure in criticizing her clothes, tells where she can and cannot go and for how long, he interferes with her work. He wants her to have no one close to her.
Type 5: Mr. Sensitive
This guy is soft-spoken, gentle, and supportive in the good period... when he is not abusive. He talks openly about his feelings, sharing his insecurities, his fears, and his emotional pain.
Type 6: The Player
He is good looking and sexy - or at least HE thinks that he is. Very quickly into the relationship, he seems to be completely head over heels in love with the woman and wants to spend as much time as possible together in bed. He is usually a very good lover.
Type 7: Rambo
This type is very aggressive - not just with his partner, but with everybody. He thoroughly enjoys intimidating people and strives to handle everything by creating fear.
Type 8: Victim
These people are very good at telling their sad sad tales of hardship. To them, life was hard and unfair. The way he tells the story, he has been severely hurt by his former partner, adding as many tragic element as he can to get everyone turned against his partner.
Type 9: Terrorist
The terrorist is highly controlling and extremely demanding. He frequently reminds his partner that she only have a little bit of time left to live.
Type 10: Mentally Ill or Addicted Abuser
Any of the previous nine types of abusers can also have psychiatric or substrange-abusive problems; although the majority do not.
In the next Domestic Violence posts, I will take each type and go into greater details, including examples if I know anyone like that. If you also know people like that and can contribute, please leave a comment.
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