Red Flag 2 - He is disrespectful toward you.
A man has no respect for his partner if he sneers at her opinions... is rude to her in front of other people... and is cutting or sarcastic.
If these behaviors happen often or if he defends them when you complain about how they make you feel, most likely he is abusive.
On the other end of the spectrum, disrespect can also take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal... as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps treating you like a piece of fine china... or a precious jewel. The man who worships you in this way is not seeing you; he is seeing his fantasy, and when you fail to live up to that image, he may turn abusive.
There is not much difference between a man who talks down to his partner or one who elevates her; both are displaying failures to respect her as a real human being and this often leads to abuse.
Red Flag 3 - He does favors for you that you don't want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable.
Usually, abusive men try to create a sense of indebtedness.. .by doing lots of things for their partner and her family... I know a lady whose abusive boyfriend will come and stay at her house and fixes things around the house, he even went as far as to build an additional room in her shed. When he started being abusive and she refused to marry him, he told her that she had to pay him back for all the free labor he put in... every time she tries to get away, he would tell her sappy stories from his past that had "scarred him" and made him that way... he told her that it's because he is so crazy about her that he can't think straight and that is why he did that... he becomes all loving and romantic again... for a few days. While she refused to marry him, she can't get rid of him... he will show up and stay for weeks... and if she refused to let him in, he would sit outside her door all night ... until she feels bad and open it for him.
Others go out of their way to help the partner's family... so when the family start pointing out his abusive behaviors, he is able to convince her that they took advantage of his kindness and are now turning against him unfairly - because they no longer need his help.
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