"Dad, if you miss me, you will have to look beyond the blue green skies, because you will see me no more," said Gao Zoua as she looked out of the bus window at her weeping father. Her words didn't comfort, but made her father cried some more. She didn't know any better, simply stating what was in her little six year old heart.
As the bus pulled away, Gao Zoua realized that she may never see these people again. Left behind were an older half-sister, her dad, the other three moms with their kids, and her grandparents along with numerous uncles and one aunt. The further away they went from the refugee camp, the harder the little girl cried. Her mother didn't know what to make of the situation as she was the oldest of three. Next to Gao Zoua's mom sat her 2.5 years old handicapped sister and in her mom's arm was the new born baby sister, not even a month old yet. Finally, after several hours of watching the tears roll down the little girl's face, the mother said, "If you miss your father that much, I can ask them to take you off the bus and send you back to him."
Gao Zoua looked up at her mom and was unable to say a word, for in her heart, she was not crying for her father, whom she barely knew, but for the sister that was left behind. Gao Zoua's father was married once before, but his first wife committed suicide and left him a 7 month old baby girl. In Gao Zoua's mind, she could not understand why her mother didn't fight for and take the other girl as well. It would be many years before Gao Zoua was brave enough to ask her mother and would be able to put these thoughts to rest.
That morning, they woke up early and started packing up their meager belongings. Gao Zoua was a bit of a day dreamer, so while her mother was busy packing up everything, she spent most of the time looking around and saw that the fathers were busy transporting the luggage to the gate while the mothers stayed behind to look after the other luggage.
Finally, her mom was ready and their little family started out. With the handicapped little girl on her back and the newborn strapped to her front, Gao Zoua's mother could not carry too many luggage at once. Gao Zoua was too little to stay behind and watch the luggage and she was not strong enough to carry them. Her mom was afraid that she might get kidnapped, so, she tell Gao Zoua to stand there with the luggage while she carry a few as far as she can go without losing sight of Gao Zoua. And then she came back and took those luggage while Gao Zoua runs ahead to watch the other luggage. After awhile, the little family also arrived at the gate to wait for the plane.
It would be a while yet before the plane arrived, so Gao Zoua's mother took the little girl off of her back and put her on the ground to play. Then she sat down with the baby in her arms and told Gao Zoua to pretend that she was sleeping so that her mom could cover up the residue of the healing chicken pox on her face. The little girl was obedient and so she sat down and laid her head up against her mom. Gao Zoua was a dreamer, so under the cover, she allowed her mind to imagine and relive all the stories her mom had ever told her.
After a while, it wasn't a plane that came, but a bus that will transport them from the gate to the plane. One of the workers saw Gao Zoua's little family all bundled on the floor and started calling other workers over. They took pictures of the little family and then they attached a card on her mother. Her mom had no idea what the card said, but she was grateful for the help the workers provided. They arried both of the little ones so Gao Zoua's mom was able to hold her hand and carry the lunch bag and extra swaddlings for the baby. It was a short ride to the airplane and once they got there, the workers came back and carried the babies.
Finally, they were on the plane and getting ready to take off. Gao Zoua remember all the stories she had heard about giants who eats people and huge snakes that are waiting between this land and America that will try to snatch the airplanes out of the sky. During the flight, the little girl imagined the plane flying just out of reach of these giant monsters who stands in the abyss between the refugee camp and the new land. Eventually, the little fell asleep and worries of giant monsters were replaced by real dreams.
Gao Zoua's mother shook her awake because the airline was serving dinner. The food looked beautiful and tasted wonderful to the little girl, especially the little fruit cups. And the juice were simply delicious. After eating, Gao Zoua started to worry about other stories she had heard about the new land. The one that occupied her little mind the most was the one that said all widows and divorcees will have to marry a dog in the new land. Gao Zoua wondered what that would be like. She remembered her father's two hunting dogs that they had to kill during the clandestine trip to the refugee camp in Thailand. The dogs keep following them and barking. No matter how much they chased the dogs away, they kept following the villagers, so they killed them and cooked them over the fire pit. She remembered that the meat tasted a little bit like tongue meat and made her gag slightly like fatty meat.
The next time she woke up, her mom had opened their lunch and was starting to feed her little sister. They ate and the little girl looked out the window at the clouds below. She was so intent on looking for hands and tentacles that would break through the clouds to snatch the airplane that she forgot to eat her food. Her mother had to remind her to finish eating the chicken and rice in her hands.
Gao Zoua fell asleep to beautiful flight attendants walking up and down the aisles.
After what seems like days in the airplane, they finally landed on American soil. At the check point, they finally saw the healing chicken pox on the Goa Zoua's face. Instead of taking Gao Zoua's little family to the next airplane, they were taken to a hotel room. Gao Zoua walked in and saw the beautiful bed. Not knowing what was going on, Gao Zoua and her mother were worried. Gao Zoua wondered if it's true that widows and divorcees had to married dogs and if they had to stay there until one was found.
Soon, it was dinner time and trays of food were brought into the room. Hungry took over and the little girl began to eat.
As the days passed, the little family stayed in the room. Gao Zoua peeked out into the hallways a few times, but she was afraid to venture out. After a week, the chicken pox were healed and they were allowed to travel to their final destination.
Getting out of the airplanes, Gao Zoua saw more Americans waiting for them. Among the Americans were two Hmong men, her mother's brothers. Gao Zoua watched as her mother approached them, loaded with the babies and bags and belongings. After the greetings, they all piled into a car and Gao Zoua looked out the window as the land flashed by. She was fascinated by all the bright lights and cars zipping by.
After a while, they stopped in front of a big brick house. It was big and beautiful. The house belong to her uncle. He was married and had a three daughters, the oldest a few months younger than Gao Zoua.
Inside the house, there was a beautiful chandelier with jewels hanging down. Gao Zoua thought they looked as beautiful as the sand she saw on the beaches on the Mekong River that first morning after crossing over into Thailand. On a little table underneath the chandelier was a big bowl with all kinds of different fruits. Gao Zoua didn't know what the other fruits were, but she recognized the orange. Her mom loves to eat it, especially the white flesh between the skin and the juicy sections.
The next few days were a blur to Gao Zoua. She remembered eating this strange looking red fruit that had a funny smell, almost like a baby. She later on learned that it was called an apple. Some of her favorite things to eat during the early days in the United States were sugary cereal, fruits, and chicken. Going to the supermarket was an exciting adventure. Driving along the highways at night was sight of beauty that will always stay with the little girl. There’s nothing that captivate the her attention as completely as lighted lampposts along a straight lonely road at night.
Gao Zoua's uncle loaded up the car with their little belongings. They were going to their new home. Gao Zoua slipped on her new black coat that reached down to her knees. It was soft to the touch. She reached into the pocket and felt the smoothness of the shiny copper coin that came with the coat. It was used, but the little girl didn't know that. It was a beautiful coat and she loved it.
During the long ride to their new home, Gao Zoua felt a little car sick. She hasn't gotten used to riding in a moving car yet. After what seems like a very long time, they parked the car and walked towards this red brick building. Gao Zoua glazed up at the tall building and it looked like it was leaning towards her and would fall ontop of them. As they drew nearer, there were some Hmong people on the second floor, looking out the window and was talking to her uncle. She didn't listen to the conversation because she was too busy being scared of the tall building (4 story) and wondering why those people in the window weren't scared.
It was cold, but GaoZoua have a beautiful black coat on. She reached in and touched that shiny copper coin. She didn't know that it was only a penny and not worth very much. Finally, her uncle got the front door unlocked and walked ahead on some dark wooded stair case. The little girl followed her uncle up two flights of stairs. She looked back down and saw her mom carrying the baby while her other uncle carried the handicapped little girl.
GaoZoua looked around as her uncle was opening a door. There were a lot of doors. She looked at each one, waited for one of them to open and wondered what was behind all of them. Her mom gave her a little nudge to get her moving into the apartment that her uncle had just opened up. There was a long hallway, and then another door. It looked dark on the other side of the window, so that must be the back door. She turned to the door on her right and saw a small bed in it. A little further to her right was a big bright kitchen. It wasn't all that big, but she was still little, so it looked huge to her. She didn't know there was another bedroom and a bathroom. He had found the windows in the living room and was looking out into the darkness. She liked how it showed her reflection if she stood a few feet back. But if she put her little nose on the window pane, she could see into the darkness and all the lights twinkling as far as the eyes could see. There's something about city lights at night that touches her little heart as she stares out of that second floor window. She realized it didn't look so scary from there, but she would not want to walk out onto that porch.
GaoZoua's new home was part of a small apartment complex. There were a few Hmong families there. And much to her surprise the next day, one of her playmates from Thailand also live there. The girl was GaoZoua's mom's first cousin, but she was around GaoZoua's age. Her name was Shoua.
GaoZoua remembered that time that they were both babysitting in Thailand while both of their mom's were working in some Thai people's farm. She was watching her handicapped little sister. The baby wasn't born yet. Her aunt was babysitting her little sister too. There was a raised shack that the girls were playing in. GaoZoua loved looking at the rolling hills and all the trees around them. It was nice and cool in the shack with some soft breezes blowing their soft black hair.
Shoua was busy playing with the two little girls when GaoZoua saw a little girl all dressed in white with long white hair walking down one of the rolling hills. In the next split second, the little white girl was ontop of the next hill crest, far into the distance. GaoZoua turned back to see if anyone else saw what she saw. Shoua was starring in the same direction that she was too. They both knew what it was, even though both girls were no older than 4. Trying not to scare each other, they hurriedly put their little sisters on their backs with the hlaag nya and went to look for their moms. The girls would not talk about seeing the ghost until much later in their adult lives, when they both had children of their own. It was a sight that would always remain crystal clear in GaoZoua's mind.
GaoZoua was happy to see her mom's cousin, technically her aunt, but they had played together all their lives, so they just call each other by their first names.
One morning, some of the sponsors came and took Gao Zoua and their little family to the doctor's office. They checked her out and all her chicken pocks had healed nicely. When GaoZoua saw the needles, she knew they were going to give her a shot. She got some in Thailand already. They hurt, but she was a good girl, so she just closed her eyes and turned away. A few tears rolled down her cheeks, but she didn't cry. Her mom had her hands full. There was no one to comfort her anyway.
The next morning, a new lady came and took only GaoZoua with her. She was scared, but she was an obedient little girl, so she put on her new coat and held the lady's hand as they walked to the car. Every once in a while, she was glance at the lady, but would not look fully at her. Her mom had taught her that it wasn't nice to stare, so she tried to keep her head down.
After a few minutes, the lady stopped the car on the street and held out her hand to GaoZoua. She took the ladie's hand as they walked towards a huge dark, almost black building. There were a tall metal grid fence all around the building. Inside the fence, GaoZoua saw a lot of children playing, running around, chasing each other, climbing on some structures, swing on the swing set. She looked around at all the strange kids. But none of them paid her any attention. They walked passed a group of Hmong girls all standing around talking and glancing at her.
The lady continued to hold her hand as they walked up the cement stairs. The next few moments were sort of a blur. All she remembered was a man with a brown beard and then she was taken to a classroom with a lot of chairs. There was a tall black lady and a Hmong lady. The Hmong teacher was Mrs. Yang. GaoZoua thought she was very beautiful. She felt a little safer know that there was another Hmong person there. Soon the bell ring and all the kids filed into the classroom.
One of the Hmong girl was also in GaoZoua's class. Mrs. Yang introduced them, but the little girls never really did became friends. They all hang around in little groups at recess time, but GaoZoua was a quiet little girl who kept pretty much to herself. When she saw all the girls, some big, some small like her, she really missed her sister - she had no concept of a half-sister. To her, it was just her sister whom she loved very much. Even as she grew into adulthood, she would never quite grasp the difference between sisters, half-sisters, or step-sisters. To her, they were family. Plain and simple. There were no difference to her little heart.
After school, GaoZoua walked home with the other Hmong girls. They held hands was they ran across the street. When GaoZoua got home, there were a lot of noise and laughter in the house. She saw a bunch of Americans and her two uncles along with her mom. They were all talking and laughing. GaoZoua walked in quietly, but when one of the American lady saw her, she ran over and gave her a hug, laughing the whole time. The little girl smiled, but she still didn't know what all the laughing was about.
Her mom excitedly told her what happened. The lady who hugged her stopped by the apart a little while ago and when she didn't see GaoZoua, she asked where the little girl was. Her mom didn't speak any English and didn't know how to say that someone had taken her to school, so she said, "Gao Zoua A-B-C."
"What?"
"Gao Zoua A-B-C." Her mom repeated.
The American lady didn't understand what her mom was saying, so she was very worried. She thought that perhaps one of the news station had taken GaoZoua for a TV interview or something. That's when she called GaoZoua's uncle and they came to the house. They had just gotten there when GaoZoua arrived and after having understood that the little girl had went to school, the lady said that her mom was very clever, that she was the slow one.
It was very funny and a story that would be shared down the ages.
The school year ended and summer came and went. GaoZoua remembered playing on the jungle gym and babysitting, but everything breezed by. As the leaves turned colors and fell off, the weather got colder and the little girl could hardly fit into her beautiful black coat. She had to wear the ugly multi-color coat that they were given when they first arrived in California. It was an ugly green and had orange stripes (it was probably parka-kept her warm, but very ugly to look at).
One evening, GaoZoua was in the living room with her two little sisters when she heard two voices. They were talking in a language that she did not understand. She looked into the hallway and she was two monsters. One was a huge ugly monkey and the other was a dead person that was all blue and rotten away. She was so scared, she grabbed both of her sisters and someone made it into one of the bedrooms. She locked the door and took them into the closet. They had to be monsters, she reasoned. That was the only way they could have gotten into her house. And they spoke a language that humans didn't speak.
"GaoZoua, tawm los os." "Neb mus qhov twg lawm nas?" The voice called out. She listened closely, trying not to give away their position at all. The monsters were now speaking Hmong. She was not going to get tricked into giving away their position, so she stayed put and did not make a sound. Thankfully both babies were quiet too. She could hear the monsters moving from room to room looking for them. Suddenly, the bedroom opened.
Her uncle walked into the bedroom laughing. In his hand was the head of the monkey monster. Standing next to him was a Hmong boy that GaoZoua was determined to hate. In his hand was the dead monster's head. She finally understood that it was something they put over their face. She had never been so scared in her life. Even the ghost girl didn't scare her that much. She is not sure if she had ever forgiven her uncle, but she sure never did forgive that Hmong boy. As little as she was, barely 6 years old, she understood that they played a very cruel joke on her. A joke they thought was very funny, but it was at her expense.
They didn't realize that she was not just protecting herself, she was also protecting two little ones. It was a event that would be branded into the little girl's mind for the rest of her life.
...to be continued...
Passions of a Hmong Wife - Life, Thoughts, Styles, Social Issues, Faith
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