Red Flag 5 - He is Possessive
"I am so sorry that I got so bent of out of shape about you talking to other men. It's just that I have never been so crazy about a woman before. I just can't stand thinking of you with another man."
Possessiveness masquerading as love... jealous behavior is one of the surest signs that abuse is down the road. Yes, I know this sounds like a lot of Hmong men... but don't get upset yet...
Here is the distinction ... jealous FEELINGS are not the same as behaviors... a man with some insecurities may naturally feel anxious about his partner's associations with other men... and might need some reassurance.
BUT if he indicates that he expects you to give up your freedom to accommodate his jealousy, control is creeping up. Your social life shouldn't have to change because of his insecurities.
He may call you five times a day... insisting on having lunch with you every day.... keeping track of what you are doing all the time or insist on spending every evening with you.
His feelings for you are probably powerful, but that's not WHY he wants constant contact... he is keeping tabs on you! He wants to established that you BELONG to him.
A man's jealousy can be flattering. It feels great that he is wildly in love with you, that he wants you so badly. But a man can be crazy about you without being jealous. Possessiveness shows that he doesn't love you as an independent human being, but rather as a guarded treasure.
All of these behaviors are about ownership... not love.
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